Just Be Nice...

I really want to tell you her name.  But I can’t remember it.  I do remember that a young woman handed me a daisy and taught me an incredibly important life lesson.

As a theatre major at Centenary College (back in the Dark Ages), my first assignment was to “run props” for a play.  That’s about as low on the food chain as you can be—setting up the items the actors carry in their hands and sometimes standing in the wings to put those items right-side-up into the right hands at the right times. 

On opening night, I was enthusiastically doing my job, and I ventured into the ladies’ dressing room to see if anyone needed anything.  As a freshman, I really just wanted to see what it was like in there.  The Leading Lady was sitting at her dressing table, and she was beautiful and amazing to me (of course, I was 18 and she was a much-more-mature 21).  An admirer had sent her a brass tea kettle full of daisies.

When I asked her if she needed anything, I don’t remember her verbal response, but she took the daisy from the spout of the tea kettle and handed it to me with a smile.

I was stunned.  I felt so very special. 

Of course, her props were perfect every night.  She was my Number One Priority.

One daisy.

My daughter recently had to present an impromptu speech for a class in her masters program at Columbia.  She told a story about how she had always tried to be especially nice to the technical director for her dance company.  As a result, he never turned on her lights until she had her costume on (they did some very fast changes), and he never started her music until she was ready to dance.  “You know,” she said to me, “Like your ‘daisy from the tea kettle’ story.”

I guess I used to tell that story often.

So what?  (Are you still reading?)

This is the Be Nice to Everyone Life Lesson. 

Have you ever witnessed someone who was obsequious (fancy word for “sucking up”) to his/her boss and rude to the same boss’ assistant?  Have you watched a colleague try to win over a client at lunch and then be abrupt with the server?  Have you ever engaged someone who was important to you in conversation at a social event and totally ignored that person’s spouse?  Oh, no.  Not you.  Not on purpose, anyway. 

The two important facts are these:

1. The people who are really important to you will judge you not only on how you treat them but rather on the consistency of your behavior to everyone. 
    

2. The people who often appear to have the least power often indeed have a lot. The server can ruin your meal. The spouse can influence your promotion. The assistant can limit your access to your boss. 

Just one caveat: If your "niceness" is artificial, that's almost worse than being rude.  It's hypocritical, even duplicitous. You might get away with it for a while, but your deceitfulness will catch up with you.  You will not be able to sustain behavior that does not reflect who you really are.

So decide that "nice" is part of who you are--part of the identity you want to present to the world--part of your image, the way you want to be perceived by all your target audiences.  Decide that being nice is simply what you do--and not just because of what you want.

Remember:  Consistency is an important factor in your success, so try to be consistently thoughtful and nice.  It’s not expensive in terms of time or money.  And the return on your investment will definitely enrich your life.

A simple, kind gesture touched my heart and influenced my life.  I wanted to be just like that young woman who gave me a daisy.  And my daughter never dances in the dark.

Would you like to respond to this article?  Please write to me:  Sherron@ChinUp.net.  I'd love to hear from you.