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The
theme of last week’s Grey’s Anatomy was “disappearing.” Dr. Addison
Montgomery’s words are still ringing in my head: “If I disappeared, would anyone
notice?”
And
perhaps you are wondering: “Why is this a topic for a communication newsletter?”
Ask
yourself: “If I disappeared from my workplace, would anyone notice? If I
disappeared from (somewhere else), would anyone miss me?”
I
overheard a man say that he was “interchangeable” in his job—it really didn’t
matter who was there at which shift as long as the chair was filled. He felt
“faceless” in his organization.
What
does this say? By making him feel “faceless,” what is the organization’s
message to its employee?
Someone
else told me that he agonized for months about an upcoming commitment that would
take him away from his office for two weeks. However, when he returned, no one
seemed to know that he had been gone.
What is
the message when no one missed him? What is his organization saying to him?
And then
there is the employee who does as little work as possible—just enough to keep
his/her job for years.
What
does this say? What kind of message is this employee sending to the
organization (and to colleagues, clients, and those who look to him/her as a
role model)?
Answer
to all three: “If you disappeared, I would not miss you.”
My
favorite place in Utah is my yoga studio. When I return from an overseas trip,
someone always says, “Welcome back! We missed you!” At the end of a class when
I thank the instructor, she often says something like, “I did (this or that)
just for you.” Just for me. Of course, she didn’t do it just for me. Well,
maybe she did. She certainly made me feel that way. The yoga studio people
make me feel that if I disappeared, someone would notice.
You’re
still asking why this is a topic for a communication newsletter.
- Are
you wasting your time in a place or with people who don’t care enough about
you to notice if you disappeared?
- Are
you effectively communicating to the people whom you care about that you would
miss them if they disappeared?
Wasting
Your Time
We have
all been in situations where we stayed too long. Are you there now? Are you
mentally, physically, or emotionally investing in a company or in a person who
does not really care about you? Can you justify that?
I ask
the “justify” question to explain my own decision making. My twenty years at
Emory University were not all good years, often thanks to an associate dean who
refused to recognize both my value and the value of communication in business
education. But I justified my decision to stay several ways: I wanted to live
in Atlanta. I wanted to raise my daughter in Atlanta. I was building a
consulting practice in Atlanta. I really liked and admired many of my
colleagues. I loved my students. (Not necessarily in that order.)
In
addition, even though I often felt that the administration did not care about
me, I believed that if I had disappeared, some colleagues and students and
clients would have missed me.
(And, as
an aside, my last three years at Emory were wonderful. New leadership made up
for most of the time before.)
Here’s
the communication issue: If you believe that if you disappeared from work, no
one would notice, then your organization is sending you a very powerful
message. Do you choose to live with that? Can you justify living with
it? If not, it’s time to find an organization that does appreciate you—a place
where what you have to offer is important and appreciated—where people would
miss you if you disappeared.
Think carefully about the message your company (and other
organizations and groups) is sending to you. Then, it’s your choice: find
justification or work toward a change.
Communicating to Your Audiences
How many
people would you miss? Do they know that? Do your employees know
that they are important to you and to the organization? Do your employers know
that you value the opportunities they offer you? Do your clients know that you
appreciate their business and enjoy working with them? Do your friends and
family know how they add value to your life?
Try this:
-
Make
a list of the people you would miss and then find a way to communicate that
message to them. No, do not call your clients with “if you disappeared, I
would miss you!” But do find ways to express some appreciation for the
people and the opportunities in your life.
-
Start
with the two most powerful words in the English language: “Thank you.” (I'm
sparing you my diatribe about the entitlement mentality of people who don’t show
appreciation.)
-
Then be
specific: “Thank you for (specifics).”
-
Then add
what it means to you. “I particularly appreciate (what).”
Here are
some examples:
·
Thank you
for your recent order. I really appreciate your continued business.
·
Thank you
for your project report. I especially liked your perspective on the input from
the new hires.
·
Thank you
for the generous raise. I appreciate that you acknowledged my contributions to
new business development and my improvements on my budgeting reports.
·
Thank you
for making time to have lunch with me today. I am so grateful that I can be
candid with you about my personnel challenges.
Powerful
messages, all saying: “If you disappeared, I would miss you.”
Following Through
I
challenge you—no, I dare you to try this. Evaluate the “incoming”
messages first, since they are more likely to generate some disappointment. Then
create positive energy as you acknowledge who and what is
important to you. Share that positive energy by telling those people that you
appreciate who they are and what they do. Maybe they will respond by expressing
appreciation to you, too. Maybe they won’t. Either way, you have communicated,
and so have they.
I hope
you are pleasantly surprised. I know that you will learn the truth.
To each
of you reading this:
Thank you for reading my articles
(yes, I do know who you are!).
I especially appreciate your responses,
which inspire me to continue my work.
If you disappeared, I would miss you.
Sherron Bienvenu, PhD
Communication Solutions Newsletter
February 2007 |
