Just How Hard Can It Be?

How hard can it be to answer an email, to say thank you, to simply respond?

Are you on the receiving end of "dead air"? Is your email box empty (well, except for spam)? Do you feed "black holes" with your work?  Read and commiserate with me. 

Are you guilty?  Please read--for the sake of your career.

Just How Hard Can It Be?

A noted female author emailed me to inquire about presentation coaching before her national tour.  I responded immediately.  She agreed to an arrangement and suggested dates.  Then, she didn’t answer my next email.  Or the one after that.  I had apparently dropped all my work down a black hole.  How hard would it have been to write, “Thanks, but I’ve decided to do something else”?

A woman I met at a networking luncheon emailed me about my training programs.  I replied immediately with several options, including suggestions about other trainers.  I spent about half an hour researching her question and crafting my response.  She didn’t bother to acknowledge receiving the information.  How hard would it have been to say “thanks”?

Let’s count the keystrokes:

1. Reply
2. t
3. h
4. a
5. n
6. k
7. s
8. Send

Now, how hard is that?

Don’t get me started on how long it often takes to receive thank-you notes after shipping wedding gifts or giving birthday presents or hosting dinner parties—or how many people never acknowledge what you did for them at all. 

A manager with the Human Resources Department of a large, national telecommunications company called to say that they had a “communications problem.”  They hired me to conduct an extensive communications audit.  At the end of the process, I submitted a report that included several recommendations, but the first two (and significantly largest) were:

1. Return your phone calls.
2. Answer your emails.

Really.

I could go on and on.  Okay, I will go on and on.  My husband and I took my mother to a special buffet brunch at the Provo Marriott Hotel on Mother’s Day—her choice.  Brunch was, well, adequate.  On the way out, there were three staff people at the door with no other quests around.  I said, “Thank you.”  None of the three even acknowledged us.  First of all, they should have been the ones to express their appreciation.  If they were a bit classier, something like “Thank you for choosing the Marriott for your Mother’s Day celebration” would have been appropriate.  Being ignored was not.  How hard would it have been to thank us?

My husband Dr. Paul Timm, customer loyalty guru, always talks about one of his pet peeves:  The retail clerk who never meets your eyes but takes your money, hands over a receipt, and then mutters, “There you go.”  How much effort goes into an additional “thanks”?  One small syllable.

One last story really disappoints me.  A former colleague and mentor (whom I have often used as a role model and positive example in books and speeches) wrote to ask me about suggestions for improving the business communications program at his university.  Over several emails and a telephone conversation, we discussed one or two visits and maybe a speaking engagement.  Then all conversation stopped.  No return call or email.  Nothing.  How hard would it have been to tell me that they decided to make other plans, to pursue other options?  He’s not my role model any longer.  And I checked his website.  He didn’t die.

Second question: Why the lack of common courtesy?  I used to say “raised by wolves,” but that’s not fair to wolves. A colleague was lamenting the tacky professional dress of job applicants and cried, “Where are their mothers?”  Ah, but in some cases, their mothers have no manners, either.

So How Do People Learn?

Learn by watching.  Do not, however, use “watching” as an excuse (“No one sends thank-you notes anymore!”).  Watch the right people, the successful people, the people who make you feel good about yourself when you are with them.  They are usually the people who respond to you, acknowledge you, give you credit, thank you. 

I hear other excuses coming: “She makes me feel inferior because she does everything well,” and “he makes me uncomfortable because he remembers so much about me.”  Did you ever consider that they do their homework to learn about you or work a little harder to do things well? 

Yes, it takes hard work to prepare a custom presentation.  It takes some effort to initiate a small act of kindness.  It takes a little effort to remember a birthday and send a free e-card.  It takes very little effort to answer an email.  It takes almost no effort at all to say those two little words:  “Thank you.”

Do you feel like I’m lecturing?  (Recently, I made the “mistake” of telling a young man that he had disappointed someone, and instead of taking any responsibility, he defensively accused me of scolding.  Sigh.)  Fine. If you think I’m lecturing, then you probably are guilty, and I guess I am lecturing to you. 

On the other hand, if you have said “Yes!” and “Me, too!” throughout this column, then you probably do respond quickly and do say thank you.  Please understand that knowing you and doing business with you is a pleasure—for everyone.  We all appreciate the time you take and the work you do.  It makes us feel good that you are conscientious about your relationships.  We will work harder for you because you treat us right.  Thank you. 

Would you like to respond to this column?  Write to me:  Sherron @chinup.net.  I promise I’ll acknowledge receiving your email.