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When you identify the traits of a person who
inspires you, what words do you use? As you continually refine your identity to
result in the image you want, what adjectives do you select? “Professional”?
“Smart”? “Healthy”? “Passionate”? “Creative”? All good. All easy to
define.
But what about those
hard-to-define traits? Do you often use the word “classy”?
Of course, you do. But
exactly what is “classy”?
A:
“A group within a society who shares the same
social and economic status”
B: “Elegance in appearance, behavior, or lifestyle”
C: “Admirable skill or excellence in performance”
D: “A categorization of services or goods according
to quality
E: All of the above.
That would be E. All of the
above. Final answer.
Although you may not share
the same social or economic status as your target audience, the good news lies
in an old cliché: Classy is as classy does. And guess what? (Please feign
surprise here.) The consistent message from a classy person is this: “It’s not
about me!” So, if you want to be perceived as classy, remember this: It’s not
about you!
“But isn’t classiness just
about social rules,” you may argue. “We should be talking about business!”
First, the line between
social and business often blurs. More importantly, classiness
(not-about-me-ness) definitely applies to business and will make you more
successful. In addition, modeling “business class” communication will have
positive ripple effects throughout your organization, resulting in colleagues
and customers who feel more respected, valued, and appreciated.
Here’s how you communicate
"business class":
Do your homework.
You’ve heard my diatribes on “winging it” or “shooting from the hip.” It takes
no time to Google a person you are meeting or a company you are visiting.
Be prepared with your audience and situation analysis,
and you will think more quickly and assimilate information more effectively.
Even if the meeting is about you (e.g., a job interview), your material
will be more interesting and relevant if you select it based on the other
person’s wants and needs, rather than on your own.
Dress for the occasion.
Few things say “I don’t care about you” more powerfully than under-dressing.
Are you afraid that if you put on a suit, you will be over-dressed for a
business-casual workplace? Just remove your jacket after the meeting starts.
And don’t wait until the last-minute before an important meeting to start
thinking about getting a haircut or finding the right shoes. Maintain a good
haircut (etc. etc.), and always have an “interview outfit” ready.
Say “thank you.” Show
appreciation up front, no matter which side of the door (or desk) you are on. (Thank
you for coming by my office. Thank you for making time to meet with me.)
If you are the one with the power, you will truly stun subordinates with this
simple courtesy that focuses on them, not on you.
Never show up empty handed.
Of course, you know to bring flowers or a bottle of wine (or whatever is
appropriate in your culture) when you go to someone’s home for dinner. (You do
know that, yes?) The same applies to any business meeting. Bring your resume
and portfolio to show how you can contribute to the project or organization.
Bring information that would interest your host or guest. Bring your credit
card (and pick up the lunch check). Note that anything you bring should have
value to your target audience.
Express interest. Ask
questions. Try this little exercise: count the number of questions you ask
before other people start asking questions, too. Often, you will be
disappointed because you will be asking all the questions. However, classy
people work to balance the ratio by showing mutual interest. And people who are
classy-in-training will model the positive behavior (that ripple effect).
Focus on their topics, not
yours. This relates to “express interest”. After you ask a question,
follow up! The answer to a question is not a cue for you to talk about
yourself. For example, let’s say you ask someone where they are going on their
summer vacation. Based on their answer, you can:
- Talk about your
experiences at that same location.
- Explain why you are or are
not going to that location.
- Compare that location to
your choice of vacation spot.
- Rave about the joys or
rant about the horrors of traveling, in general.
- None of the above.
You are catching on. E.
None of the above. Focus on them, not on you. Ask another question—related to
your first question and their answer, of course.
Russ Umphenour is the CEO of
RTM Restaurant Group, which owns hundreds of fast-food restaurants with
thousands of employees. In addition to being incredibly successful, Russ has
always been one to “give back,” including hosting many philanthropic events in
his home. He is my classy “express interest” hero. When you are one of Russ’s
guests, he speaks with you individually, making direct eye contact (not looking
over your shoulder or around the room). He asks a question, listens carefully
to your answer, and then asks a very specific follow-up question, based on your
answer. He makes you feel like you are the most important person at the party.
I’ll repeat that: He makes you feel like you are the most important person
at the party. Class is about how you make the other person feel.
Pay attention to all the
messages. Important information will reveal itself many different ways.
Pictures and memorabilia in an office (photos? mementos? awards?). Choice of
metaphors (military? sports? cooking?). Non-verbal communication (leaning
forward? fidgeting? looking at the clock?). Such artifacts, language, and
behaviors paint a detailed portrait of a person’s values, interests, and
preferences. Tune in.
For example, the executive
with pictures of fighter jets on the wall is likely to have quite a different
work style from the executive with a fish tank (unless it’s full of piranhas).
Pay a sincere compliment.
Recognize the effort other people make on your behalf. Of course, this
relates back to “pay attention”.
Do not, however, have a
standard, all-purpose compliment you always use. A marketing executive at a
major telecommunications company always complimented women on their hair (at
social events, of course). I was so flattered that he noticed… until I heard
him say the exact same thing too many times. One size does not fit all.
Dance with the hostess.
Okay, this is metaphorical. You need not engage the senior vice president in a
tango. Do, however, find out who did the work and stop by to acknowledge their
contributions. Give them credit. And if it’s a social event, take the time to
have a special word with your hosts (one that shows you noticed the effort
expended). And if it’s appropriate, do, indeed, ask the hostess to dance.
Small gestures can make huge
impressions. In my MBA classes, I ask students to volunteer for a range of
small tasks. Sometimes, I have to repeat my request several times. At the end
of the first night of one new class, however, a student came up to me and
quietly said, “I tend to volunteer for everything, and I don’t want to appear
greedy. But if you need anything, you just have to ask me once.” I’ll never
forget his contribution to the success of our course. (And recently, months
after the class, I did need something. I only had to ask him once.)
Say thank you. Yes,
again. “Thank you” is the most powerful phrase in the English language.
I have few “never’s”, but here are two (along with “it’s never about you”).
Never take anything for granted (don’t get me started on my “entitlement”
diatribe), and never leave without saying “thank you.”
Now, think back to your
business conversations and meetings over the last few days. Bottom line: In
each situation, what did you do to make other people happy that you were there?
What did you do to make them glad that they included you? How did you make them
feel? What did you do to make your being there “worth it” to the others
involved.
I hope that each of you
thinks that every one of these classy tactics is obvious and that you
instinctively follow them all every day. I hope that you learned nothing new
from reading this article, except maybe that what you do is right and
appreciated. I hope that “it’s not about me” is a sign on your wall and a
mantra in your brain. I hope that communicating “business class” is a natural
part of how you function in business and in life. I hope.
Thank you for
reading.
Notes:
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To review the article on
Inspiration, Intention, Image, and Reputation, click
here.
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The definition of classy
came from the Encarta Dictionary.
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To review the steps for
audience and situation analysis, see the
Strategic Communication Model.
Sherron Bienvenu, PhD
Communication Solutions Newsletter
June 2007 |
